Pool PartyTom was giddy. Here was his chance to prove himself capable to his friends! As a new homeowner, he had not only a place to host parties, but also an above ground pool and deck. Rather than be late to everything, he could take credit for organizing everything. His best friends, Jack and Stephen, were somewhat skeptical.
I didn't really get this story, if I'm honest. It reads like a 3,000-word joke without much of a punchline. There were too many characters in it, and they didn't get enough to do; they were mostly talking about whatever kind of food or booze they brought, and then proceeded to just frolic around. It felt really muddled and frenetic, and I couldn't keep track of who everyone was, and what they were up to. The only character who I could consistently keep up with was Tom, because he kept putting on the sunscreen to conveniently keep him out of the story until everyone else is a werewolf.
I suppose it's kind of funny that he had a bucket of something called "Curse of the Werewolf" in his pool shed, and it's not that important where it came from or why he has it, because it's part of the punchline. It still sticks out a bit unusually, though; felt a bit crowbarred in. I'd be curious to know why the hell a wet rag like him has something like that, or for that matter, why he thought he could stir it into the pool with his bare hands. Or why them all turning into werewolves is a particularly good punchline.
To sum up, the story is too fast-paced, it's hard to follow, and though the concept shows potential to be funny, it's a bit diverted by cliché and plot convenience.
I appreciate the honest feedback. This was the seventh werewolf story I posted here, and I wanted to write one finally that focused on transformation. I figured that meant taking myself less seriously, thus mixing up chlorine with curse of the werewolf, as if anyone would have that just sitting in the garage. In writing and editing, I actually focused on character development because even I had a hard time keeping some of the guys straight. Split decision on whether I differentiated them enough. Tom is a wet rag and got the house without knowing what was in the garage; Ben was the one who stirred it into the pool, partly because he is not a very cautious character, and partly as an excuse to give him a paw early on. I actually am prouder of this story than most of mine, but more for the feel of a lazy and surreal summer day than anything straight-faced and serious. I wrote a serious sequel for two of the characters last week because I thought they deserved revisiting.
I appreciate that you took the time to comment. I'm sorry it wasn't to your liking, but I can't argue with anything you said, except to distinguish Ben from Tom.